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#winning....as a Step-Mom

Ever have one of those days where the stars align and it seems as if you are in the realm of perfection? Ok, maybe not a full on day….especially if you are a parent, but maybe a moment in time?

For a few short hours yesterday I was in the bubble of perfection.

It should be said that I have more in common with the Cleveland Browns than being a fan. I also have had approximately 635 days of chaos, failures, losses and heartbreak but no full wins. Definitely a few ties, but no real wins.

As an idealist, I entered this “try #2” of marriage and family with an open mind and heart. Not a full heart mind you, more like, shattered, but all the pieces were there and hey, by the time you make it through the decimation of a marriage and family….no one is intact. That is the ugly truth.

A girlfriend of mine and I were going through similar situations years ago and we were always befuddled after striking up a conversation with an all knowing divorcee-thinking they were similar to an oracle and could give us solid advice and maybe even a, “you go get em’girl, follow your heart” and all that-it never happened. Collectively, we never understood. Eventually, it has become crystal clear.

Now, after the decimation? After the layering of the candy personalities, on our wedding day, dealing with six different heartaches, anger, frustration, resentment, insecurities, demands, and oh yeah….all of the sh*t that caused the demise of the first marriage. Guess what? No magical wand takes that way either. She/he/you….still there. That is the ugly truth, likely the reason not one of those women we ever asked had a shred of advice for our sponge-like naïve brains.

We’ll get to all of that, right now let us bask in the glory of the win. Yesterday, for the very first time, I had a step-daughter win. For all of you step-parents out there, you know what I mean. For the first time, I felt like I had

bonded with one of my step-daughters, she gave her elusive “real” smile as she and my daughters shared crepes at the 2nd Street Market, browsed the unique artesian booths, flowers and all of the wonderful sights and smells that create the magical experience of the market. Perhaps it was the overall aesthetic of the market on that particular day, or maybe my own guard was down, in taking "just her" along for what would normally be a special day with my girls. Who knows??? I DO know that things have been different since that early fall morning.

We even had an impromptu photo shoot post brekkie. For those couple of hours, all of the hard work, sleepless nights and feelings of always being divided, never accepted….they became, in a word… decimated.

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